my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama

I invited my cousin over and we chilled. It sounds like he stays because he wants to, not because he feels forced to (regardless of what he tells you - he may just be telling you the "she forces me" part to hide the fact that it is his choice to stay there). I would never ask him to not be a responsible man, I would not want that of my own husband if I had one. I doubt that Baby Momma is forcing him to stay. Find the line between those two scenarios and see where you are at. So she has no idea. Is my ex's girlfriend/boyfriend allowed around my kids? His son has recently spent 2 weeks with his ex and her new boyfriend. Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. What gave her the right to do that? They eventually went to court and agreed upon Joint Custody. The Cure Simply put, your man holds the key to the cure, not you. It might be tough to ignore the situation, but it's necessary to ensure peace between you and your significant other. They always seem to have some excuse as to why they can't spend some quality time with you like they used to. We have been dating now for 6 months. Is this worth it? Itll be hard focusing on your relationship with him when he has another one to deal with. If he's not on the game he's on his phone. Just like your boyfriend shouldnt be hanging out with his baby mama, she also needs to respect the fact that hes in a new relationship. Your email address will not be published. How far away does she live from him? You need to think about the bigger picture and put yourself in his shoes. Signs That Hes Still Involved with His Baby Mama, Why Its Important to Set Boundaries with Your Boyfriend and His Baby Mama. Give him time to change his methods and involve you in his plans. But its all in vain. He never asked for my opinion, nothing. Unfortunately this is one of the most frequent complaints we get from our readers, where they feel they aren't a priority for their boyfriend or husband. As long as Im respected and not burned. Due to the BS meter that day being too much and I just didnt want to say goodnight. Warning Signs and How to Avoid It Dating a Divorced Man Support, Am I Insecure or Is This a Red Flag? Honestly he must be wearing one of his sons diapers on his head, because his thoughts on this matter are seriously full of crap. When things are great, he's talking about taking you to weddings or meeting his parents, but then Thursday night comes around and suddenly he doesn't know what he wants . SO - do you want to continue to be a jealous, controlling #####, or do you want what is in the best interests of you, your boyfriend, your boyfriends little girl, and your boyfriends X? They have worked everything out: who's having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. Perhaps he just likes being able to be part of the bedtime/morning routine with his daughter and being over there gives him more than just his one day a week and his Sunday? Well one I know I inherited this situation and was committed to loving his son like living him. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. This is a tough one to answer as it depends on a number of factors. I dont want to feel like runner up and always coming in second to his ex and kids. Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. His ex-wife is seeing someone new, but whats more upsetting to your boyfriend is that his son is treating this new guy or calling this new guy his new Daddy, but your boyfriend is his REAL daddy. Bottling up your concerns would only make you act irrationally and seem insensitive to your partner. I don't think there is any reason he needs to sleep over. Its all fluffy in the beginning until you move in. This is a boundary that needs to be set for both the childs sake and yours. He recycles what I say if I lose Jordan I lose everything. In general, post-divorce recovery can take a year or longer for him to really make the transitions and adjustments to being a single dad and healing from the dissolution of his marriage. The Mother of the child would not allow him to be there when the baby was born and, in the beginning, made it very difficult for him to see his child at all. ! And he tells me I dont know ask her. I appreciate your perspective. I even let so much go. It's also understandable to a degree as when his ex wife left he needed a lot of support and help. When we started dating, he made it clear his two teenage daughters, of whom he has custody, were top priority and that his job as an air force. Contents [ show] 10 Boyfriend and Baby Mama Boundaries for Healthy Relationships 1. My mom is Nuts also. How she interacts with you is she respectful or does she try to cause arguments between the two of you? Two more therapy sessions. You've spotted that the iMessage, WhatsApp, or even Snapchat app is open on his phone and he's furiously typing away in front of you. [] Maybe youre feeling insure because youre not feeling like a priority in the relationship? . Where does he want his kids to go to school? If he doesn't respond to his ex's calls for help with the kids, he might worry that they aren't okay and that he . As such, you need to be the smart one and be alert to the signs that your boyfriend is not over his baby mama. Your email address will not be published. I went through enough. 3. When boys play games or compete, they tend to bond more than when they don't. Gaming is not just a pastime for men; it's about succeeding against another person and winning the game, which helps to build trust between friends. If your partner still calls his ex, its most likely a red flag. Such as how much time your guy is spending talking to his baby mama, whether its talking on the phone or texting, and what theyre talking about. Unfortunately I am 4 month pregnant. Maybe your date night plans get cut short because he drops everything to respond to his exs demands. Is because he didnt want to lie to her. That again no boundaries established with the son and myself and when I did. It's necessary to be open-minded, especially when it involves his baby and the mama. He has to be honest with both parties. Im not sure if they have been sexual, but I think they have. He ditches our plans to meet her on weekends. But heres the question to consider about impatience: Impatient according to whom? She was the one who ended things (she was having an affair, but not sure if she still is). You should be polite to one another for the sake of the childs wellbeing, but that doesnt mean you have to be friends. Along with telling you if hes going to be seeing his babys mama, he should also respect you enough not to hang out with her unless hes seeing his kid. Your email address will not be published. It was his Wife who had an affair and called off the marriage. Whereas, third parties might provide a balanced judgment. If he's being unnecessarily defensive, you should look into it. You'll have a clearer head and would make better decisions when you discuss with someone else. Matters involving children are quite delicate so you need to be prudent with your methods. I don't think this is normal at all, and I don't know anyone else that sleeps over at their child's mother's house. Hes been through it all and Ive never even been engaged. She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges - he says "to keep things amicable." DONT DO IT ! Is he not allowed to bring his daughter home on that evening? She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges he says to keep things amicable. The negotiations have all been relatively amicable so far, but they are not final. My cousin even asked him who would you choose the dog or the woman if you had to he said the dog. If you've made it clear it bothers you an he's made no effort to change then your actions from here on out are completely justified. My husband's ex and their son live an ocean and a continent away, so when it's time for us to get his son for the summer, he flies there to pick him up and flies there again to take him back. Roommate Boyfriend Etiquette Explained: 10 Tips! The more you doubt his actions, the more he'll want to keep things away from you. You might not agree with all of these. If you dont want anything to do with her, she needs to respect that as does your boyfriend. If I can advise any one. My guy is getting divorced. Nevertheless, try your best to accept the situation and be supportive. I totally feel you. There is nothing unhealthy about him spending the night as a matter of fact, the healthiest arrangement for that baby would be for them to get a duplex, so that the child has 2 resident parents. React 1 Reply Anonymous (30-35) +1 y more than likely they are still hooking up. ), it's just that I don't think it is necessary for my boyfriend to EVER spend the night at his BABY MAMA's house. She should respect the fact that hes moved on and is in a new relationship, and refrain from talking about their past together in front of you. This cow out of no where asks my boyfriend is she fatter or pregnant. If you press it, you DESERVE to lose. Hi Eve, Youre so welcome! Then to see whose in charge and if he prioritizes your needs. That means that his baby mama is not his first priority, you are. Ok, in a perfect world, he should use this opportunity to introduce the two of you since you've never met, right? It takes time to test your needs and requirements and to figure out whether someone is right for you long term. Remember that he still needs to communicate with the child's mother for his baby's general well-being. Clearly 5 years and 3 living together and I leave and come back didnt prove to him enough that I love Him. But yet my heart wanted him. She doesnt know about me, and we discussed that its easier until the divorce is final. By kind of, I mean that he spends two to three nights a week with me while the rest of the time he spends at his mom's house. Just like love languages, some of these don't match up very well and that can be a bad thing in the long run. You always empowered with the option to choose with whom and for how long youre in a relationship. Warning Signs and How to Avoid It Dating a Divorced Man Support says, [] youre feeling second in your relationship, your discontent points to a need that you have that is not being [], Am I Insecure or Is This a Red Flag? Or bother with anything. She Isnt to Talk About Their Relationship in Front of You, 8. how to determine age of tole tray; Therefore, if you feel your partner isn't completely open about his baby momma, you should ask for transparency. When youve communicated your concerns and made him aware of your needs, and when youve negotiated with your partner how those needs could be met in the relationship, its fair to give it some time to see if things change in your relationship. I kinda get mad. Your parents most likely have your best interest at heart and they could have reasons they don't want you to go. It might be perfectly innocent, but that still doesnt mean he should be spending so much time talking with his baby mama. Ask about his kid's well-being and if everything is okay. Therefore, acting out of hand will undoubtedly leave the wrong impression. Has anyone gone through this? And youre tired of feeling second in the relationship and concerned that he might not be over his ex-wife. Instead, let the process happen naturally. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. In the midst of this, our time is limited which on one hand is great as we are not rushing in. You're likely to see things from one side because of your emotional connection with him. What would not make it NOT worth it to you? Therefore, try to comfort him and itll go a long way. Its teenageism. I just wanted common bloody respect. I am 26, and he is almost 30. my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. But I hate waiting. He would go there to visit, and when he stayed there over night, I felt uncomfortable with this, but also kept it to myself, as I know how much it meant to him to see his son. After he was an a$$ to me and the father didnt care to correct or address the child. Like for Petes sake un-divorce and get back together then !!! I can accept a quick message to let him know that his child had a good day or for him to send a good night message. A few of the signs to look out for that might confirm - or help deny - this are: He's always the one that initiates contact with her or he's always the one replying first He s VERY affectionate towards me, loves to cuddle, showers me with gifts of love, and has a really good heart! My boyfriend's daughter was born last Summer. Image credits Photo by Osarugue Igbinoba on Unsplash. 02 /8 The photographs and gifts. Understand that your boyfriend's kid and the mama will always be part of his life. He stonewalls and it was horrible. I leave them alone together 90% of the time. I know it can be really hard when youre frustrated with the pace of your relationship. But you get to decide how long you want to wait. And when I told him things need to change for the sake of my sanity. I felt that this was getting wayyy to deep. This isnt always easy, especially if his baby mama wants to try and leverage her position as she does need to be a small part of his life. He cheated on his ex wife with a girl who waited for him for 5 years for him to divorce his wife. I have to keep tabs with her. She told me how he told her that I cheated, that he was waiting for the divorce but Im stalling. Ok so she can raise him at her house and we raise him at ours. Parents and teens will most likely be very embarrassed approaching the subject, just keep your line of communication open and you won't go far wrong. My kids still beg me to ask my boyfriend to spend the night. This is a boundary that you need to set so that you dont feel like hes still got one foot in the door with his ex. If your boyfriend suddenly won't show you affection when the three of you are together, there probably is a problem. Whether its due to jealousy in general or something in particular, if she knows hell jump when she brings his child into the discussion she might use this. He will continue sleeping with other women. relationship requirements are our non-negotiableswhat we absolutely require in a relationship (or the relationship will not work). I just feel stuck. My live-in boyfriend (3 years) spends holidays without me with his kids at his ex's house and I have not met them yet. My boyfriend of 6 months has a female friend who texts him on a daily basis. Posted on . But also better for your relationship, which is what you want and so should he. Seems like the sooner you wrap your head around that, the better. Should I leave him? Roommate Boyfriend Etiquette Explained: 10 Tips! Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA . Is he calling his kids mum every day that it makes you uncomfortable? You are not as close to your boyfriends baby mama as he is, and he needs to remember that when leaving the two of you in the same room. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Hi Christina, thanks so much for reaching out. Basically, the biggest indicators of long-term relationship success are whether youre aligned in your vision, needs and relationship requirements. Boundaries are the limits a person decides on how people can treat them, how they can behave around them, and what they can expect from them. It Made me so emotional. More so, try to gauge this based on your partner's cooperation. Have a Set Schedule for Your Boyfriend to See His Child, 2. The reality is, if hes a single dad, his kids have defined needs that cannot be compromised. I have just woken up in bed next to a man who isn't my husband. you get to decide how long you want to wait, whether you should wait for him to finalize his divorce, Step-Dating Report at the Step and Blended Family Institute, hes not available or unwilling to meet your needs, Burned out in Your Relationship? red comet fire extinguisher; Search. And is there a way that you could negotiate with him to meet that need? Can you suggest it? It may not mean hes sleeping with her, but its a sign of disrespect and you clearly need to have a talk with him and let him know how hes making you feel. He used my BPD against me. It's necessary to trust the process before making a final decision. Insisting on your ways might make him think he's a bad parent. But at the end of the day, you get to decide how long you want to wait. Hes begging me to hold on for reconciliation. And we argued less. If your boyfriend has a baby mama, things are bound to get awkward at one point in time or the other. Whenever we experience relationship issueslike feeling as though our partner isnt prioritizing our relationshipit points to a relationship need or requirement that we have thats not being met. This entails taking your mind off the situation for a while. Newborn baby and mother rescued after spending 90 hours under rubble . One evening a week, my boyfriend goes to his daughter's mother's house to spend time with his child. Basically he wants her to sign on the dotted line first before everything gets out in the open. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Boyfriend Talks to His Baby Mama Everyday! Again Im not perfect. I feel that I might be more in love with him than him with me, but the point is that we started at different stages. But, as you can imagine, the plane tickets back and forth and back and forth are incredibly expensive and push our budget to the limit as it is. Search. It was a pendulum. Do you?? Either he needs to set a schedule in place, or he needs to get a court to do it if his baby mama is being difficult. Absolutely! There Are Two Sides to Every Story Check out this short video that highlights the dynamics of baby mama drama from the perspective of the baby mama. So as Im trying to rationalize myself . Unless, she's seriously bat sh*t crazy. (You never, You always). He's inconsistent. After the birth of my child, my husband and I split. Your body may be trying to tell you something. In conclusion, if your boyfriend is spending too much time talking to his baby mama, its important to have a talk with him about it. I have no previous marriages or kids, no bagagge (except emotional I am sure). I've been so stressed-out dealing with my daughter and her special needs as well as just the daily grind of being a mom of three that all I wanted was a few hours in a movie theater by myself. If he is going through a divorce, he has issues that he has to resolve with regard to the dissolution of his marriage (such as issues with regard to their estate, finances or kids) and that could be interfering with his readiness for a new relationship. What would your boyfriend say to asking Baby Momma (or petitioning the court) for an additional day of visitation so that he can have it at his house instead of having to have it at hers? Giphy. Thanks, again, for your comment! Many grandparents fall into the deep dark "I'm the best grandma or grandpa" abyss.Competing grandparents only alienate their children and can ultimately make their grandchildren feel pressured and uncomfortable. Once youve set some boundaries, its important that you all stick to them. Not how to cope. [], Your email address will not be published. In most cases, the answer to the question above will be, "Yes." Typically, he or she is allowed to be around the child(ren) and/or babysit during your ex's parenting time. You will gain their trust much better than way than banning him sleeping over or allowing it with restrictions. What does he want them to become? Put the emphasis on him to make plans. i Arguments in favour of mother-only parenting are. "It helps dads and babies learn about each other, and provides a foundation for their future relationship," he said. This can be something as simple as some of his clothes to leaving larger items they bought together like a TV or computer. So imagine this scenario: You're out with your guy on date night and it just so happens that his children's mother is also in the building enjoying a night out with her girlfriends. My partner is visibly upset and was hurt. You can start by asking whether he needs to speak with his baby mama so often. LoveDevani is an independent website. For example, you can adjust your needs and expectations. Another way to get on this partner's good side is trying to know his kid better. Did you enjoy this article? They have a history with them and share a child, and this often brings or makes them hold on to emotions into play. Is this relationship going to work out? Here is what you should do to make him prioritize you over his baby mama while still looking after his kid: No, its not normal for a guy to talk to his baby mama every day, especially when hes in a new relationship and has moved on. Its frustrating and painfulall the liesand people using other people. My sanity my life . Great thanks. Get really clear on: What need isnt being met? I had to use his cell phone to call my phone and when I opened the phone up it was in his text messages to his babys mom, and there was "i love you", come have sex with me, that type of talk. Don't abandon your friends, hobbies, or goals in an effort to be with him all the time. Therefore, don't try to struggle with his children or you'll jeopardize your relationship with him. The whole things just seems wrong, and that's what's fueling your fire. You are a grown person, single, with no dependants. He has 2 kids under 10 with his ex. Otherwise, she needs to give him space to focus on his new relationship and he also needs to play his part here. Needs are the things that need to happen in our relationship in order for us to feel loved and in order for the relationship to work for us. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. If yes, then as his girlfriend, you should do something about it. Taking it slow is keyespecially if either of you have kids because the stakes are even higher. This means, try not to leave a mess everywhere you go! There is no reason at any hour when his ex-returns that he cannot just pick up and go home from there. Relationship Choice Assessment , 30 Questions to Help You Decide If You Should Give Him a Chance or Walk Away. Him and I got into a big argument because I was just splitting I guess. all you can do is reiterate your feelings, you need to make sure nothing is happening between them first and once you are 100% sure all you can do is trust him! This step would make him more comfortable with you, and hell easily include you in discussions even the ones involving his kid's mum. I don't care that you don't like it. I have enough of the selfishness and cannot give any more. The man I met is probably one of the best I have ever met, yet hes still married, I didnt realize he was ,as I was a bit naive when he said he was seperated. Hes come several nights a week to try and make it work but tells his girlfriend hes working. You shouldn't put unnecessary pressure on him especially when it involves his children. Kindly leave a comment below if you liked this article and share it with others. It'll also help you come to terms with his patterns and schedules, thereby making things less suspicious or unsettling. What burned me this round is that we were supposed tell his kid. The man said his partner told him of the bizarre "family marriage tradition" to enjoy a romantic night with her mum in the lead-up to their wedding. And because he is not yet divorced, he is probably not 100% available to meet some of those needs and relationship requirements because he is still working on dissolving his marriage, and divorce has its own timeline. I would encourage women to stay away from divorcing or separated men until its final. A sleepover really allows the kids to get to know your boyfriend/girlfriend. Its like relationship limbo when youre dating a divorcing man. See what he says about why he talks to her so much, what they need to discuss, and how much hes willing to compromise to make you happy. She should only be contacting him when its about their child or if its an emergency. Using a child as leverage is always a low blow, but its common in situations where a baby mama wants something from their ex when hes in a new relationship. Related How to make your baby daddy feel guilty for leaving and what to do if hes ignoring you! If your boyfriend is talking to his baby mama everyday, there is the obvious concern that hes still involved with her in some way. A female friend is also going to the same event and asked if she could spend the night at his place the night before and get a ride with him the next day to the event. The ultimate last two was her telling him about our arguing (once a month now) and the announcing to the son were having. Time is necessary for any change to manifest. He still lives in the same house as his soon-to-be ex. He refuses to compromise or change the situation at all. Kudos to your boyfriend for staying involved with his child. My partner is spending Christmas with his ex and kids. Michael, my . What it means is that youre setting boundaries around the relationships and friendships in this triangle so everyone is able to build trust and healthy relationships. But it's not really his mother who's to blame . And I fear that this is the top for me. So now this girl is almost 7 months pregnant..with twins. Going out with a mummy's boy is proving frustrating for a woman who just wants a normal relationship. Its one thing to have a good relationship with the mother of his child so they can co-parent, but its another to spend time with her socially. and Is this Relationship Worth it? They have worked everything out: whos having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. But she also taught her son to record our arguments. More so, he doesn't know what's best for his kids. Thanks for confirming that I'm not just being the irrational girlfriend! This is a waste. I have been telling him the exact same thing that there is NO reason that he can't get up and go home, no matter what time it is. You have lived with the guy for three years and havent met his kids by his ex? If you are . This is accomplished when both parties are honest with each other. She lives with her parents and he swears he doesn't do anything with her. Some people can manage the situation while others can't. my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. Getting to the root of the situation will help you see things from his point of view. And when he came to ask Who does she think she is. I have zero issues. Make him understand that you're there through the tough times. I can see maybe he go there, spend the evening with his baby while the mother has the night out. Open-Ended Questions To Ask A Girl (205 Open Ended Questions To Ask A Girl), How To Make A Girl Blush Over Text (101 Things To Say), How To Compliment A Girl Over Text (141 Ways), Qualities Of A Good Woman (29 Vital Qualities), How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested (25 Helpful Tips), Signs A Married Woman Wants You To Make A Move (23 Signs To Look For), How To Turn On A Woman With Words (155 Tips), 27 Obvious Signs A Woman Wants To Sleep With You, Reasons Why Pisces Man Loves Scorpio Woman (9 Interesting Reasons), If He Doesnt Introduce You To His Friends, What Does It Mean? In other words, if something is bothering you in your relationship, its your responsibility to make your needs known AND manage your own expectations given the situation. I'm okay with that. When you get clear on what could be happening in your relationship (what needs arent being met) thats causing you to feel like youre second, its important to communicate your concerns. Yeah, it is totally not cool for him to be spending the night at his child's mothers home. Yes, I have.. the very first bf I had after my first separation was staying at the mother's apart. Or, on the flip side of that, a childless step dating partner or stepparent, may not be able to fully appreciate the scope of needs that the child has and may choose to see the biological parent as indulgent and overprotective at the cost of meeting the couples needs..

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